Very soon I imagine the real snowfall will start, and driving in this fair city will become a nightmare. Drivers will be the biggest victims, but mostly because of each other. I don’t drive, never really even took a lesson, but thanks to the old-school Torontonian that is my father and the closet Senna that is my brother, I’ve picked up a few tips to city driving during snow seasons.

They’re just variations of “Don’t Panic” with the somehow still unkonw trick of rocking a car out of a mire instead of slamming the accelerator and letting the tire spin. I tend to do most of my walking in the Winter, so I see the most obnoxious “solution” employed these days: Driving at less than half the speed limit. I recall walking past an Escalade on Yonge Street that was the only vehicle on the road for blocks in either direction. Now I probably walk at 5 km/h at the most and I passed a 4 tonne 4WD monster that was somehow too scared to move because an inch, maybe, of plowed snow. I won’t get into the question of buying an SUV when you’re completely worthless off the road.

My greatest pleasure from this time of year comes from new arrivals to Canada. Unless they’re from northern Russia or a Scandanivian country a good Winter is a new experience for them. Through September and October, when the weather is a glorious 5-10C, the complaints begin, “Wow! It’s cold out there!” They’ll exclaim, climbing out of a giant parka with a furry collar and everything. When they see me in a sweater they’ll blame my cocktail of Canadian, Ukrainian and Estonian blood. I won’t call them wimps or any of that crap, as I know I’m not even close to being truly acclimatised to cold weather. I just tell them not to waste the word cold just yet.

Sure enough, January ends and takes last of the heat with it, and at -30C they get it. They arrive in that same furry-collared parka, longjohns, two sweaters, a thick wool scarf, hat (A touque or bearskin hat if they know what’s good for ‘em) mittens, big furry boots and snow pants and they’re still shivering and wheezing as their alveoli thaw. The best part is when they’re with me next year telling the next newly initiated, “We warned you.”

Never tempt Mamma Nature.

Of all the games I’ve bought in November, I was looking forward to Bioware’s Mass Effect the most. I was most pleasantly surprised by Ubisoft’s Assassin’s Creed. But that’s for another entry. Bioware brought us Knights of the Old Republic; An amazing Star Wars RPG on a game engine that worked. They’re other projects (even the ones they didn’t build directly like KOTOR’s sequel) were all solid. They had good stories (RPG cliches aside since those never go away) and reliable performance, and felt like clean, complete projects that every effort they could they put into the games.

I don’t get that feeling from Mass Effect. I will easily be putting more hours into it than any other 360 game on my shelf, but it’s the little things that nag at me. It seems like no matter how much I fiddle with the sliders, my character looks like a beady-eyed, younger Adama. The combat routinely requires a reload and retry because the speed the enemies attack and strip your hitpoint away before you can hit First Aid or react. Most distracting of all, the textures start low-res and draw in constantly during every part of the game. I might forgive this oversight if it was brief, but every time the camera cuts to another character in conversation they have to re-draw; It’s that bad. Bioware watched this happen and had to have just let it go thinking the rest of the game will hold up.

I’m sorry but it doesn’t.

The plot probably has the best presentation of any RPG I’ve played, and the way they handle dialogue finally gets rid of one of my most hated RPG cliches since the days of text. But if the combat isn’t polished and the only mini-game is driving the Mako around like a 70-tonne ATV, then they’re relying on the plot elements, and you’re left with a a mildly interactive movie. So why don’t I go watch Star Wars?

Unfortunately I think Mass Effect will be one of those games that every reviewer gave 90% rating on and everyone will be wondering why in a couple months. Bioware got their cheque, so I’m sure the “Downloadable Content” menu is the standard lie that will get a couple useless cosmetic items you’ll still have to pay for. Lacking Oblivion’s incredible sandbox, it’ll likely get shelved once I’ve boned the blue chick the second time.

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Indiana Jones Indiana Jones is an archaeologist/adventurer with an unquenchable love for danger and excitement. He travels the globe in search of historical relics. He loves travel, excitement, and a good archaeological discovery. He hates Nazis and snakes, perhaps to the same degree. He always brings along his trusty whip and fedora. He’s tough, cool, and dedicated. He relies on both brains and brawn to get him out of trouble and into it. Maximus 67% Batman, the Dark Knight 67% Indiana Jones 67% Neo, the “One” 63% William Wallace 58% El Zorro 54% James Bond, Agent 007 54% The Terminator 50% Captain Jack Sparrow 50% The Amazing Spider-Man 42% Lara Croft 33%

Thinking about it, though, I can see their point. I could have been much worse.

Hat tip: Ambulance Driver

Seems I missed back in August Wizards of the Coast announcing Dungeons & Dragons Fourth Edition is on the way. Regardless of it’s competence, I will not be purchasing it. After the screwing that 3.5 was, regardless of how you spin it, where they were squawking “This is the ultimate version of D&D there is.” like demented parrots, this is the straw.

I don’t even like D&D that much. You just can’t avoid the d20 System if you tried nowadays; And we’ve come to know it so well it’s easy to get a game going when no other seem likely. This will be a good chance to step away for good.

Teddy and Brenda had their second son today after what sounded like a “normal” 7 hours of labour. Congratulations you too!

A moment to remember the brave souls who gave so much.

Heather Mills’ continues to demonstrate a level of hypocrisy I am incapable of comprehending. Stumpy wants money from Paul ($140,000,000 or more last I checked), and then calls him a skinflint (cheapskate) when he only offers about $100,000,000. Are you seeing all those zeroes!? That 150 Bugatti Veyrons! Unless that leg takes NASA-grade upkeep I’ll just keep using “cunt” and “attention whore” with the occasional “drama queen” to describe her. If she’d just quietly taken the first offer and fucked off the world wouldn’t have hated her.

As it turns out, her supporters (there’s a couple at work) get really offended when I call Pogo “Stumpy.”

Or “Pogo.”

I never contended that Games Workshop’s miniatures weren’t just expensive, but extortion, but they really outdid themselves this time. Yeah yeah, hands are tied, and all that shit. Ever since Chambers and Jervis left the company has been even more overt with their greed. Now I’d be happy to see World of Warcraft outsell and outperform Warhammer Online.

Christ, though, do Warhammer fans get pissy when you mention Blizzard have expanded their setting beyond being a cheap rip-off to something tangible.

On the other hand, never tell those hardcore World of Warcraft junkies you’re enjoying Tabula Rasa. I didn’t say I was enjoying it more (Gods forbid!) just that I was having fun playing it. Holy shit what a fucking mistake; It’s like I’d called their kids retarded.

Accuradio expanded their Modern Rock Classic station, so I got to hear all the shit I’d tried to forget from the 90’s Grunge Era. I fucked up, of course, and said aloud that I didn’t like Nirvana much, and didn’t get Mr. Cobain’s deification. I keep forgetting how sensitive his cult is. At least there was another person backing me up this time.

Matt: I’m a cocksucker and got let testosterone take over. You were right, however, an epoch does appear to be smaller than an eon.