I remember the first time I saw what James Rummel has taught me is referred to as The Two-Gun Salute: My brother showed me a clip from John Woo’s “Hard Boiled (Lat sau san taam)” and I thought, “Well, that’s novel.” I since became enamoured with it, making a string of RPG characters who use two pistols as once and enjoying the hell out of video games that let you sweep away scores of thugs with lead from a room-broom in each hand.

Along comes “Underworld”, “Tomb Raider” (the backpack is stupid), “The Matrix”, and finally by “Equilibirum” I realised the dog had its day and the novelty had turned into a cliche. Michael Mann’s “Miami Vice” and “Collateral” were movies that featured firefights that are low-key affairs (I hesistate to say the “R” word) portraying a certain lethality to the whole thing that is lost when the hero(ine) cartwheels harmlessly through a room full of fully-automatic ARs set to Bitch-Tame. The climactic battle in “Miami Vice” features the progtagonists getting lots of well-trained friends with guns, cornering the villains, and just fucking killing them.

So now I get goosebumps from a well-shot Dyamic Entry or anything with a squad soldiers demonstrating training so adept dispatching the enemy barely looks like effort. Take “Heat” (Which I just fucking found out is also Michael Mann…) pictured above. The bank robbery shoot-out got me more psyched at the time than any other I’ve seen; And all they did was advance and shoot and shoot and shoot. No bullshit. Loved it.

I just unleashed a belch so heinous it drew the attention of the two locked offices 35 feet around the corner past two sets of doors. It was so cosmic I’m chosen to name it: Armin.

I forget who said that, but the list-songs I’ve heard so far seem songish enough for me.

I know I’ve said it before, but just to be sure: If you leave half a plastic jug of orange juice out long enough the gases building up inside will fire the cap off after a few months.